No. Wait!

(the other half of my tbc)

I went out to dinner with a sweet friend tonight and mentioned how I always wished I could be one of "those people" that just picks up and leaves all the time; someone who just goes where the wind takes them. And now I've become one of those people. Some days I'm not sure I'm going to like it as much as I had envisioned. (Keep in mind, I am writing this after having spent three nights on a pull-out couch.)

Grass is greener? Guilty.

I've always wanted to be completely free of any ties so that I could travel. To anywhere. At anytime. Although, I already feel like I'm missing out on all the details of all my friends' lives. I was out of town for three whole days and I'm already a little sad. But I'm starting to love that my plans keep changing and the fact that I never know what's going to happen next. I love how the travel plans already went from being in the Midwest to going to Mexico. No wait. The Bahamas. No wait. The Pacific Northwest. No wait. All three.

No wait....

The keys, please.

I've had two people say two very significant one-liners to me in my lifetime thus far. And I'm sure I've heard other important words of wisdom, but these two come to mind often. And right now they seem to be ringing in my ears.

#1"Never give up until you've exhausted every possible resource. And even then, don't give up until you get what you want." My brother told me this when I was a kid and it has stayed with me like an outdated, barbed-wire tattoo. No matter how old I get or where I go, those words will stay with me forever.

#2 "You can tell how many responsibilities a person has by the number of keys on their keyring." My friend Daniel, who has a very *ahem* unique view on life, told me that one. Think about it. It's got some weight to it.

Today I handed over my key to the office. And then I ended up getting it back five minutes later, because I was the last one to leave. So, I'll be mailing it back to them when I get up to LP. But in my heart I handed over my office key!

As I slipped the key off my keyring I noticed that my number of keys had dwindled down to three. And then it hit me: "There goes one more responsibility." I definitely noticed the difference in weight on the keyring when I moved out of the apartment. That was three keys in one day! But this one....it just felt weird. I felt like a part of my contribution to society had vanished. And let me just back up and say, that I have next to no emotional ties to this office or the job, but that key...it was MY key. Someone trusted me. Someone in that office, at some point, was going to need me. Or at the very least, my key.

MY key. I'm starting to sound like one of those creepy twins from The Shining.

Earlier today, I got asked at lunch what my plans were. To which I responded, "For the rest of my life or just this weekend?" I barely had an answer for the weekend let alone the rest of my life. Which is funny, because a year ago I would have had an answer to that! For the first time in my entire life I have no plan. But I do know what I want.

(to be continued...)

The fish of irony

So, the other day I had this super hilarious conversation with a couple friends about getting slapped in the face with the fish of irony. I casually mentioned how it seemed like the phrase du jour amongst our group has been, "Well, that's ironic!" Which led me to say how I feel like I've pulled a giant fish of irony out of the water and the tail keeps slapping me in the face.

How's that for symbolism? Ha!

And my most recent example of this has been that I am currently staying at my friends house (or chateau as Jeff and I like to joke) that he likes to call the Freedom House. I just went from having a whole bucket of responsibilities to the Freedom House. Ahhh, the irony. It's like taking a bullet.

And in other news, I am officially moving out of SB in a few days and onward n' upward to NorCal, which may as well be another state all together. I've already started thinking about what I'm going to do when I get up there, who I will hang out with, making plans making plans making plans. And I'm excited to go, but sad to leave. So, is that irony? Oxymoron? Maybe just bittersweet.

And furthermore!

And let me just add one more thing to yesterday's post:

I've been kicking myself a little about this giant transition of being a center-of-it-all city girl to going back to the slower-paced life in the country. And it's partly because this is something I said I would never do. And partly because I've had so much time to think about it that I feel I should be used the idea by now. And excited. Or at the very least, ready to go.

Even as I was typing out my thoughts last night, I kept thinking to myself, "Why aren't you there yet? You should be on-board with this change by now!" And then I got to thinking today about how I felt right before I moved to SB. I didn't want to stay home, but I didn't want to go either. I wasn't excited at all. I was scared. I was curious, for sure, but mostly I was scared to death that I was going to somehow single-handedly ruin my life in one swift move down the coast.

Hmm...I'm sensing a pattern here...

So, I let up on myself a little more today. It's not for me to reason why. And it's not up to me to make life amazing before it even happens. My responsibility to is to ride the ride. Arms and hands in the air at all times.

Did I mention that I'm not a fan of roller coasters? 

Just looking at this picture makes me reach for a paper bag.

Movin' on up....to the east side.

Life in the land of The City Girl has shifted dramatically (of course) from a nonchalant gate to a pace that resembles a sugar-hyped puppy. But things aren't all bad. I've moved from the west side to the riviera. And yes, it's as good as it sounds!




Um...how much do you love youtube?!

So, besides trying to get a new website up and running, scheduling/editing/uploading a bunch of photoshoots and now trying to squeeze in one last going away party, I am attempting to get my life as settled as I can up north before I get there.

Which means I'm doing nothing.

And I'll admit that I was not at all looking forward to moving until just a few days ago. I'm almost (almost!) excited to get up there. And what's even more strange....I've become really happy to be right where I am.

Even when I was still on the west side.

I'm sorry, what?!

Ever have the feeling that you've somehow woken up into someone else's life? I've been having that feeling almost every day, lately. Reminds me of this show I used to watch pretty religiously when I was a kid: Quantum Leap.

The whole premise of the show was that this guy (the cocky looking guy in the blue shirt) would wake up or just "appear" in someone else's body-someone else's life. And this other guy (the one in the tacky white blazer) was essentially his Jiminiy Cricket and would explain to him why he was there or at the very least what was going in that person's life. And he would, of course, warn him of the dangers ahead while smoking a big fat cigar. Always found that part to be a bit ironic.

Anyway, all that to say, I can totally relate to that ridiculous (poorly wardrobed) classic 1980's TV show. I've been waking up every day and doing all the same things that I normally do, but for some reason everything I thought I knew about my life seems to be wrong. I might as well be waking up into someone else's life!

Very disillusioning.

Who's my Jiminy Cricket? Oddly enough, it's my mom, as she seems to be the only one who has a clear and concise answer to most of my current life questions. Sans the cigar.

Come a come a come a chameleon

One of the rules about moving that you just can't get around is that you will have to dump a few things. Some things get lost, or in my case, "get lost", in the move. (Best excuse I've ever had to dump a bunch of stupid crap! And by stupid crap, I mean poorly thought out gifts.) But some things get personally discarded. What people don't tell you is that you don't just get rid of stuff. A little piece of yourself changes. A piece of your personality or a quirk takes a different shape.

Blame it on the new surroundings or the new life in the new city, but it happens. A part of who you are takes on a whole new form. Things you never thought you would do or say are suddenly said and did. New thoughts pop into your head and instead of just brushing them aside you pull them in close and take a closer look. You start to think, "What the hell! Everything else is changing, why not this, too!"

I can't say for sure what it is that's changed about me in the recent move, but whatever it is, I noticed. Maybe I've lightened up a little more. Or maybe I just don't care about the mundane day-to-day stuff, because I'm out of my element. In any case, I somehow feel a little freer (no pun intended, considering my current homelessness).

I still can't put my finger on it, but whatever it is I'm liking it!

You, Me and TV

I'm feeling another blog post coming on...but it's not quite there yet.

So, for now, I will leave you with a picture of me with my current roomie, Jeff. Who is an incredibly kind and gracious friend who let's me sleep on his couch and snuggles with me while watching crappy TV.

"I'm like a sunset. People like to have their picture taken with me." - Better Off Ted

West side story

Thoughts on discovering the west side: That weird guy I would occasionally see in the store with the pants that have holes where there definitely shouldn't be any, isn't just the weirdo at the grocery store anymore. He's now my neighbor.

I am currently slumming it on the west side. Of course, I say this all tongue in cheek. There really isn't any place in Santa Barbara that you could consider a slum, but the block where I've been waking up is renown for being barricaded for domestic disturbances. Guns? Possibly. Knives? Most likely. Do I care? Eh...not for the next two weeks.

Anyway, back to the colorful west side...I saw some pretty interesting things tonight while getting groceries. I saw two different male employees at Ralph's sexually harrass a female employee (we're talking blatant lude gestures and ass pinching). And she wasn't exactly turning them down. This might have been interesting to watch if the guys hadn't been 20 years her senior (and looking like old truckers) and if she wasn't my age.

Ew. Is that throw-up in my mouth?

Next, I will paint a picture for you regarding the two different Ralph's stores in Santa Barbara. The one I used to go to (in the good neighborhood) has a fountain out front and underground parking. The one I went to tonight is next to a seedy liquor store and a Taco Bell. In case you want a fifth of Jack to go with your double decker burrito.

Classy.

As I proceeded through the check out line I set my little basket down on the conveyor belt and apparently in doing so ruined someone's night. Because the lady behind the counter scowled at me and then proceeded to turn my basket upside down and dump my purchases everywhere. Good thing I wasn't buying eggs!

And the conversation of the night from said Ralph's is (drum roll please):
Checker: Do you have a Ralph's card? Do you want to sign up for one?
Man: No. I only like getting credit cards.

Hey, me too!