Lessons in Learning How To Rest, Part Thirteen.

Lesson Thirteen: Choose Joy. And peace, while you're at it!

I woke up this morning and immediately dove head first into reading. Not my usual choice. I'm more of a news watcher while curled up in a ball on the couch with a cup of something hot in my hands kind of morning person. I can only assume I had been wrestling with my own thoughts in my sleep, because when I woke this morning I didn't have much recollection of my dreams or a to-do list on my mind. Today I had only questions plaguing me from the moment my eyes fluttered open. After plowing through multiple study books, I realized that I have become "comfortable" in this season of restoration. (Yes, those quotations are meant to be there.) I've become as comfortable as one can be when shoved between a jagged rock and a brick wall covered in barbed wire.

I don't exactly remember choosing joy in this season, though. I remember decidedly muscling through a difficult and painful time. I can also recall choosing to laugh every now and then in the face of adverse situations. But choosing joy....well, that wasn't too high on the list this year. In fact, I very distinctly remember choosing to be cross with this particular phrase. My inner scrolling ticker of thoughts has been more prone to notions like this, "You choose joy, jerk. I'll choose cutting phrases and undermining wit!"

Bitter and Cynical, party of one!

And then I read something this morning about petitions in a higher place being made on behalf of us mere mortals when we aren't able to make them for ourselves. And I suddenly realized why I was able to find a resting spot in this heavy-laden and wearisome time. I didn't find it. It was a gift. And for the girl who isn't normally a fan of having decisions made for her didn't really care all that much this time. When it has felt for an extended amount of time that all hope is lost or that the proverbial shit has hit the fan, it's so nice to wake up with a slight grin on your face, hope in your heart and total peace about what's to come.

So, instead of looking this gift horse in the mouth, this City Girl is choosing the joy that has been decided for her. And she's gonna grab that peace that defies all logic while she can!

I Don't Want No Scrub

Remember Stage 5 Clinger? Well,this City Girl does. All too well. And as of this week, am reminded of that guy while constructing a well thought out text message to somehow detach myself from my recent self-imposed "birthday present."

I'm not great at being the breaker upper....especially when it needs to happen after only two dates. TWO DATES!!! Honestly, I don't know where these guys come from! Who needs to send a break-up text after two dates?!

Just for the sake of having a somewhat interesting blog post, let's outline the second (and what I'm sure will be the last) date in list form, noting that this second date was preceded by multiple unanswered phone calls and several half-answered text messages. The letters "L" and "O" have never been so exhausted.

 How was your day, beautiful girl?.....It's raining out. I'm going to take a cab downtown! lol.....I think my cat just winked at me. lol.......I really miss you.....I hope you're sleeping well! lol

1. He invited me to a soccer game and later called asking if I could pick him up on the way. Let's just say the song No Scrubs by TLC came to mind.
2. I arrived at the game a few minutes after he did and learned that soccer games are the international melting pot of our fair city. (Spoiler Alert: This was the only enjoyable part.) If I hadn't been so busy trying to avoid his effort to smother snuggle me I would've leaned back, closed my eyes and pretended I was in the hub of Heathrow Airport. However, having someone constantly try to inch closer to you and hold your....everything, keeps one from being able to close their eyes except for the occasional blink to lubricate the eye sockets.
3. Mr. No Boundaries, now practically sitting in my lap, finally asked if he could hold my hand. In an attempt to give him the friend vibe I hid my hand in the end of my sleeve and handed him my jersey knit stump, claiming that there was a chill in the muggy summer air.
4. Attempt thwarted. He caressed my stump while staring at the side of my face.
5. The game finally ended and he asked if I would drive him home. Oh and did I mention that I had to tell him about FIVE HUNDRED TIMES that I had to wake up early the next day, so going out for a drink was out of the question? Yeah. It's super fun to talk like a broken record.
6. He attempted to kiss me at the car, but being swifter than he, I managed to dive headfirst into the driver's seat before Birthday Eve was repeated.
7. I pulled the car up to his house, put it in park and he sang to me. And not like "Oh cute. He's singing with the radio." We're talking about the kind of singing that was memorized and rehearsed for a one-time performance. For yours truly.
   Will the awkward moments never end?!
8. I followed up his solo with a nice generic comment like "Well, thanks again!" and flashed my now desert-like dry eyes toward the door, hoping he would take the hint. After what felt like an eternity of silence, he finally vacated the car and probably felt the whoosh of wind as I sped away like Mario Andretti.
9. I pulled up to my own house a few minutes later only to discover that he had left his sweater in my car.

So, dear readers, I leave the ending up to you: Burn it or do a Ding Dong Ditch and hope he doesn't answer the door in time?

A Birthday Present To Myself

Happy Birthday to me!

What did I get myself this year? Oh nothing much....just a small catastrophe that I will lay out for you in list form:

1.  In an attempt to start moving on since the fast/intense relationship with The Light In My Eyes, I have decided to start dating again.
2. I got asked on a date Friday night that sort of fell apart (partly my fault).
3. I found said date on a social media site so that I could apologize for somewhat disappearing.
4. Impulsively asked him (who just so happens to look A LOT like this guy) if he'd be my date to a friend's wedding today.
5. This is the part where things take an unexpected turn: He is crazy about me. As in, has been watching me from afar for months, pining away, over the moon, cuh-razy. (Oh. No.)
6. Was kissed long and good (thank you, Sandlot) and should have said no before it started, but darn it if the compliments weren't so flattering that got me into that position.
7. Had every intention of turning this guy down flat when we parted ways and instead agreed to go on a second date with him later this week.

So, happy birthday to me. I was hoping for a pair of cowboy boots and have instead landed in what looks to be another stupid but awesome but stupid relationship.