Go Team! Rah Rah Rah! And All That Jazz...

The worst part about breaking up with someone you really cared about isn't the break-up itself, but all the moments that come post break-up. Don't get me wrong, the moment itself is usually somewhat horrifying and uncomfortable. In most cases there are tears, wringing of hands, shifting your weight while trying to come up with words that have more syllables than uh and um followed by some sort of awkward good-bye. The thing that always sucks worse, though, than that whole parting-of-ways scenario are the days that follow.

Just a quick recap on how one gets to those post break-up days:
Once you round the bend of the starting line you will stupidly start to introduce your current love to anyone who is willing to shake hands. In fact, you'll even go so far as to tell everyone you ever met that your mornings are filled with sunshine and everything your dear lover does just makes your sentimental heart beat wildly. Life is good. Ah yes, the beginning of almost every relationship is always so bliss-filled and lovely that you forget how sad all those previous days were that lingered on and on. What days are those, you ask? Those are the post break-up days. The days spent filling in every person who ever met your ex-douche bag on how you are no longer together and responding to their sympathies with an, "Oh yes, I would love to meet Mr. X and go on a double date with you and Mr. Happy Pants."

Cut to this City Girl's reality:
This has been the past month of my life. Although, I can't really call the last guy a douche bag-a butthead on occasion, but not a douche bag-but our break-up was the awful kind. It could have been amiable if neither of us was "feeling it" or if things really weren't working out and it was just time for us to face facts, but that wasn't our gig. And every time I have to fill in just one more person on the heart breaking details of our he said/she said situation I keep getting the same response, "Huh. I'm still pulling for you guys." You guys. As if both of have been seen together about town lately. I've got news for these people! Hell, I've got news for the random readers of this blog, there is no "you guys"!

I will say this, though....I miss that guy. And I've tried to explain him away. I've had days where I pretend like I don't care what he does or where he goes. I've lied and told people that I'm totally ready to date again. I even agreed with a friend the other day that I was over him. But the truth is there's a cheerleader somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain that is waving her pom-poms wildly, rooting for him. She just can't help herself. She's too busy rah, rah-ing it up...

Don't Be A Hater

Ok, kids, this is just getting weird. I love a good random moment. I mean, c'mon, who doesn't?! But the number of random moments that have crowded my days lately is just astounding. And let me just say this: It usually takes me a solid day or two before those random moments actually register. So, it seems like every two days I am reliving all those random moments over and over again aside from all the new random moments that keep crashing into my daily life.

Let's review what just happened this morning. Mmkay?

I went to one of my favorite coffee shops this morning where I ran into some friends having coffee. The plan was to sit my tucas down and pound out some much needed design work for my new website, but instead ended up getting roped into a ridiculously long catch up/chatty cathy session. Meanwhile, a 78 year old woman (never mind how I found out that little nugget of info...) sat at the table next to us, every once in awhile chiming into our conversation, while she was waiting for her friend to show up. I was starting to think that her "friend" was never coming and that maybe she was just a lonely old soul with nowhere to go and nothing to do. But minutes later her imaginary friend appeared and soon after the three of us started packing up our things to head to lunch. Just as we started to step away from the table the old woman stopped me and told me not to give up on love. Mind you, we hadn't talked about relationships while she was there. In fact, the only time we talked about relationships was to rehash our friends past and now current relationship with a fabulous woman I haven't met, but already adore. A conversation for which she was not present.

Even typing out those very words now makes my breath catch in my chest and my eyes well up with tears. Who was that strange woman? And how did she know what had been circling round my brain and reverberating through my very being? I haven't exactly thrown in the towel on love, but I have definitely made it clear to friends who are eager to play matchmaker that my heart needs a break. Not to mention, I flippantly made a comment the other night that has clearly been owning my subconscious that basically implied I believe all my future relationships will end in ruin.

I haven't gone all out and become some sort of asexual being or tried to join a nunnery, but I may as well have tattooed the words "Love Hater" on my chest since my latest break up session. And I still can't say just how that 78 year old woman knew my story, but she said exactly what this City Girl needed to hear.

Time Wounds All Heels.

Last Sunday I ran into a man who in the past has made my life a misery. Ever since my move back to The Beach I have been avoiding running into this guy as if my life depended on it. Now, I'm known to avoid people on occasion for a number of reasons: too tired to chat, ex-boyfriends (these reasons go without saying), crabby or demanding clients, etc. But in the past few months the very thought of running into this particular person has made my stomach turn, my face contort into a frown and plagued my heart with heaviness. Some people have the ability to make others feel about 2 inches tall in a matter of a few sentences and this guy has had that exact gift. At least that gift shined through every time I was around.

However, all that has changed. I decided to visit a church that I used to frequent and my friends still attend. And when it was time to do the "meet and greet" part of church I was shocked to find that I was sitting only 2 seats away from someone I have considered my arch enemy for the past few years. I've tried extra hard not to harbor mean feelings toward this guy, but it has been a challenge to say the least. And when I was finally let go from my job last year I was ecstatic at the thought of never again having to deal with said guy. That is until last Sunday...

Needless to say, my jaw dropped open almost to the floor. My first thoughts: What the hell is THIS guy doing in a church? And how did he not spontaneously combust into flames when he walked through the door?! I was greeted with such an enormous bear hug and kiss on the cheek I almost passed out from shock. I was overwhelmed and truly swept off my feet by the surprising gesture. In the time that I had been away this man had chosen to change his stars and is now living a life transformed. He had changed. He was happy. And I was in shock. For days.

And in light of past posts about relationships, let me just say that this turn of events, this uplifting chance run-in, has changed my life. It made me realize that it was finally time to let go of all those untruths that have been plaguing me, those little lies that I had let dictate my self worth. That chance encounter was a definite turning point for my self esteem and confidence. It saved me.

In a church of all places, of course! Ha!