Relationships...sinking ships?

Relationships are messy. A well-stated comment made by a friend about a year ago. If I had known then that she would turn out to be right in every way I would have advised her to charge good money for advice like that! I wish she could have told me that I would be on a giant adventure of self-discovery, too.

If I had known that I would have packed differently. Ha!

On that note, any relationship at some point will turn out to be both fun and uncomfortable. Horrifying and exciting. And any really "good" one will have some sort of extreme dip in the road. Which leads me to my point, I took stock this morning on how many relationships I've had–carefully sorting through all of them–and I started to wonder if the old adage of relationships being sinking ships was in fact true. I've had serious relationships and fun relationships, none of which I am currently involved in. (Well, almost none.) And I got to thinking...when did those relationships, fun in the beginning, become work and then the work became a reason for one or both of us to cut and run? When did that ship begin to sink?

Moment of honesty (drum roll please): I sort of unleashed my wild fun side yet again in the last few months and found myself not having fun so much as I was out for revenge. All those ships that sailed or sank have no idea of the fun I've been having and yet I felt that I was somehow throwing it in their faces, showing them just how much better my life has been without them. And then came my moment of clarity this morning: I have become a sinking ship without relation. I'm sinking all by myself. And I may not be tied to anyone right now, but I will be again someday. And while I've gotten pretty good at seeing the cracks before hopping aboard, some things just aren't discovered until after you've set sail.

So, how do you keep a relationship from becoming a sinking ship?

Right or Left? Up or Down?

I've never been more confused in my whole life.

A plethora of cities, a mish-mash of dates (some amazing, some not), and then trying to picture myself living in a new city with new friends and old. I'm baffled. There's no other way to say it. I don't know what to do next or where to go. Having all these options (really fun options) just makes my head spin.

I can have any adventure that I want. Which one do I choose?

A We that says I do.

My time in Beantown couldn't have been more fun and hectic! Being a bridesmaid (for the seventh time) I've become a pro at forging through an emotional, tense, hyperactive weekend. And this time was no different. This wedding was for one of my best friends that I've known since kindergarten. We go way back with a long and sordid history full of funny stories, embarrassing photos, and a plethora of memories that I can't even begin to remember.

Looking back, I can't really remember everything over the past three days, but I know that it was fun and went by fast! Although, I will say that one thing stuck out in my mind about this particular wedding: my lack of emotion. I'll be the first to admit that I am an animated girl. And that's probably putting it mildly. It's in my genes to be prone to histrionics. And for some reason, I just seemed to move through this wedding weekend unphased and sort of numb. I can't really say why. Even now, I'm still stunned. I teared up a couple times during the ceremony, but wasn't overwhelmed with emotion on the day of the nuptials.

When the bride's sister got married everyone was a hot mess. And I do mean everyone. The preacher, the bridal party (which included a puffy-faced, crying me), my parents and everyone else in the audience. But this wedding was fairly dry-eyed. Sure, people dabbed at their eyes now and then, but no major balling going on at this affair.

Which is just as well, now that the viral phenomenon of facebook has since swept the nation!

So, this morning it occurred to me why I was practically stoic yesterday. Partly, it was because a 10:30am wedding on the east coast is brutal and you're barely awake to make it through the ceremony as it is. And partly because I wasn't scared. I didn't have any feelings of panic like I have in times past; picturing myself taking the dreaded walk down the aisle. In fact, the walk wasn't even dreaded this time around. It was fine. I was fine. No sweaty palms. No racing heartbeat accompanied by shallow breathing. No hysterical feelings at all.

I don't know that I will want a big, ritzy wedding someday or an elopement somewhere in Europe. But I do know that I have finally comes to terms with being with someone for the rest of my life. The thought of checking in with someone everyday is no longer daunting. The idea of traveling with a partner by my side isn't depressing. I'm okay with being a part of a We. A We that says I do.

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The visit to The Longhorn State was awesome! While I don't ever (and I mean ever) see myself living out that way, it will forever have a special place in my heart. If for no other reason than the people I met were amazing beings and the bbq ribs I devoured were fantastic! I've never tasted food quite like that before. My taste buds leaped inside my mouth. No joke, I could actually feel leaping in there...

Anyhow, my stay here in Beantown has been exponentially different. I woke up the first day with some itchy skin, but thought nothing of it and headed into town to get some work done and just soak up the wicked awesomeness of this city. And soak it up, I did! Day two rolled around and that's when life got interesting. And by interesting, I mean horrible. Everything that could go wrong, did. I woke up with itchy skin accompanied by little red dots all over my legs and arms. I called my mom for my first diagnosis. (Yes, I still call my mom when I'm sick.) She laughed at my misfortune. Not a chuckle, a full laugh, unstifled and barreling through my ears.

Of course, this would happen to me! If the apocalypse were going to strike only one person, it would be me.

So, concerned that I had been stricken with a flesh eating virus, I hopped on a million trains/buses and made my way to the doctors office where I waited for hours to hear that it was unidentifiable. Perfect. So, I took my forlorn face and itchy skin out to lunch where I ordered what appeared to be a very lovely, edible falafel salad. I was wrong. I ordered the could be hepatitis salad. The hair looked like my hair color, but let's be realistic. It probably wasn't mine. I'm not that lucky. And certainly not on a day like this one. 

After scrambling around the city, desperately seeking a wi-fi connection, I plopped down in Harvard Square and finally got some work done. Then I headed over to the Apple Store to see if I could doctor up my laptop. Apparently, the laptop feels everything I do.

Mac computers are so intuitive these days!

Exhausted and ready to go home I got a desperate email from the powers that be, demanding uploadsfilesfolderslinks! So, I sat down in the food court of the mall (my least favorite place to be on earth) and sat there until the sun went down. I plodded back to the bus station and waited. And waited. And ignored the Mormons marching in my direction, no doubt ready to convert my soul. And waited. And almost hailed a cab when the bus showed up, complete with a wailing Chinese man, which finally got me home.

And just when I thought I would burst into tears out of frustration from the day, I told the story to some new friends and ended up giggling so hard I'm almost positive that I burned all the calories and hepatitis from my falafel salad.

The End.

Happy Birthday to me!

So many new things learned. So many ideas had. So many days passed, but not forgotten. So many random coincidences and I have nothing to say. For once. I have nothing noteworthy to post.

I am in The Longhorn State this week and enjoying some much needed laughs with an old friend. I love this girl! She is funny, interesting, intelligent and one of the best people I know. I've had a hard time trying to decide what to do tomorrow. Tomorrow is, after all, a big birthday. The beginning of the last year of my twenties. No pressure here, but I think in about a year's time I'm supposed be wiser and more grown up.

I wouldn't put money on that.

In any case, I decided that I don't care what I do tomorrow. Aside from not having any preference of what happens this year, I just don't care. All I really want to do is have fun with my friend. If she is there then my birthday will be great. I just know it.