There's no place like home.

I drove myself back to The Beach yesterday. I've been staying with good friends since I got here and waiting for "the feeling" to hit me. The feeling that tells me I'm home. The feeling that makes everything all right, perfect. It hasn't yet. If anything, driving around this place kind of feels like visiting my old high school haunts...or something along those lines. Every street corner is so familiar and crowded with memories, but clearly feels like a place from my past.

After 6 or so hours of driving yesterday I did something I never do. I turned off the radio and drove the last hour in silence. It was beautiful. A perfect hour of peace that surrounded me and filled up all the spaces of my car. I had had ideas pass through my mind all day, or rather day dreams, but in that last hour I thought clear, concise thoughts. Thoughts that mattered. Thoughts that meant something to me then and even now, today.

I realized before I even reached The Beach that no matter where I land next it won't feel like home. At least not right away. The road has become my home. The airport is my living room and hallway. Random couches and hotels have become my bedroom. My life fits best into a 22" x 14" piece of luggage. Wanderlust has become my lifestyle.

Come a come a come a chameleon

One of the rules about moving that you just can't get around is that you will have to dump a few things. Some things get lost, or in my case, "get lost", in the move. (Best excuse I've ever had to dump a bunch of stupid crap! And by stupid crap, I mean poorly thought out gifts.) But some things get personally discarded. What people don't tell you is that you don't just get rid of stuff. A little piece of yourself changes. A piece of your personality or a quirk takes a different shape.

Blame it on the new surroundings or the new life in the new city, but it happens. A part of who you are takes on a whole new form. Things you never thought you would do or say are suddenly said and did. New thoughts pop into your head and instead of just brushing them aside you pull them in close and take a closer look. You start to think, "What the hell! Everything else is changing, why not this, too!"

I can't say for sure what it is that's changed about me in the recent move, but whatever it is, I noticed. Maybe I've lightened up a little more. Or maybe I just don't care about the mundane day-to-day stuff, because I'm out of my element. In any case, I somehow feel a little freer (no pun intended, considering my current homelessness).

I still can't put my finger on it, but whatever it is I'm liking it!