It seems I got a little sidetracked in my Lessons in Learning How to Rest. This year went from epic meltdown to abrupt stop to putting my life back into hyperspeed mode, but with a hint of appreciation for the little things. And things were at least moving forward, but not at the highest quality of life. In other words, there was always somebody to check in with, talk to, be around, hold hands with, snuggle up next to, kiss. There was never a time without a boy. And while there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that, it maybe hasn't been the best thing for this city girl since most of these relationships have ended in heartbreak one way or the other.
So, now, having cut ties with all men, I am learning the art of being alone. Truthfully, it sucks. Optimistically, it's going to be really good for me since I can barely remember the last time that I was the only one who had say in what I do or where I go. In reality, I have no idea how to master this. I've finally come across a challenge that I have no idea how to tackle. However, in an effort to take a stab at it, I've been pushing myself to find or rediscover the things that I like to do no matter how girly or country bumpkinish, which include (but are not limited to): sewing, baking, cooking, watching endless episodes of Gilmore Girls, shopping, getting massages, painting my nails, writing/journaling, reading, lots of library visits, hiking, running, spur of the moment trips with the SB girls...
In theory, this all sounds great, right? Doing stuff that you like to do without having to consult anyone. But I got used to having someone else have an opinion that would sway whether I turned left or right and I miss it. I miss it more than I thought I would. The uber-independent girl who never liked being told what to do now finds herself lost and lonely without a dictating boyfriend. Oh the irony.
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