Lifestyles of the Not So Rich & Not Quite Famous

This. Week. Is. Killing. Me.*

Lately, a list, which is becoming quite lengthy, has been compiled of all the things in this particular city that are irritatingly true and unavoidable. And this week is the perfect time to unleash the top three irritants on the 'ol blog. Why, you ask? Well, anytime one of these pet peeves rears its ugly little head this City Girl inevitably ends up growling inwardly or sometimes shouts to no one in particular, while wearing a hands-free headset so as not to look crazy, about the inanity of "it all" while driving around with the windows rolled up.

On second thought, that probably still looks a little unhinged. *ahem*

Irritant No. 1: If all drivers arrive at the intersection at the same time, let she who drives the nicer vehicle proceed through the intersection first.
There are Classists afoot in this very city! Be warned, all you locals who think that the rules of the road apply to those from the affluent parts of town. They do not. You may have been sitting at that stop sign for the last 3 minutes, being ever so cautious and ready to pull into the intersection, but if the opposing driver on the road is behind the wheel a vehicle that costs twice as much as yours then be prepared to reschedule the rest of your day while you sit at said intersection and wait for some poor sucker in an 1992 Nissan to pull up to the stop sign opposite you so you can get on with your day. That's right! You can bet your sweet Benz that that turkey will not only trump your right of way, he will more than likely ignore all stop signs and other government enforced postings. He is, after all, driving a Bentley.  

Step aside, lowly Volvo drivers!

Irritant No. 2: Beautiful people are not an anomaly here. They're what we call "locals".
Let's just say, hypothetically, you're having an "off" week. You just had a good cry in your car while sitting in the parking lot of Starbucks, nursing your hormones back to a relatively stable level with some sort of chocolate coffee drink. As you pull yourself together you glance in your mirror and notice that although you feel as though you could go through the rest of your day without another break down you have, unfortunately, cried off all your makeup and that blemish that was once perfectly disguised around the lower area of your chin has now made its way up to the middle of your forehead and is beaming red like a beacon in the night.

In any other town, this City Girl would say, "Go on, girl! Finish that day!" But not in this town. I will never say that in this town. Because the minute you drive away and pull up to your next stop you will notice that every single person in this Stepford-like city is stunningly beautiful in a way that makes one question, "Just what is in the water here?!" And we're not talking about inner beauty. We're talking about the kind of beauty that makes you painfully aware of any minute line that may appear anywhere on your body, practically demands that you pay more in gym membership fees than rent, and gives you the overwhelming feeling that lighting your wardrobe on fire and starting anew really is a good idea. Should your level of sanity be on the fritz in The Land of Perfection and Youth do yourself a giant favor and drive straight home. Do not pass Go. Do not pay $100. (I'd say "collect", but anyone in this town knows you're more likely to pay than collect.) Just throw on those designer sweat pants, open up that $50 bottle of Bordeaux you've been saving and switch on your 90" flat screen TV while you sink back into your custom leather sofa in hopes that you can get yourself rested and camera-ready for the next day!

Those amenities are not standard in this Girl's household, but darn it they should be!

Irritant No. 3: When driving in the rain it's best to be cautious. Better slow down to 35mph on the freeway. You know, just to be safe!
There's a running joke in this town that any time a visitor asks what the weather forecast will be any given day in our fair city a local will always chuckle and say, "It should be a sunny 70 degrees!" To say that rainy days are a rarity here is an understatement. So when the slightest hint of moisture can be felt in the air every local driver on the freeway will inevitably slow to an agonizing 35mph.

 I only wish I was kidding about this.

One can't be sure if it's the fear of getting even the tiniest of scratches on their brand new Porsches that has the townfolk so nervous or the fact that most families can be birthed, raised and sent off to college before another rainy season starts that has everyone completely baffled at this onset of water falling from the sky. Either way, be aware of the fact that any kind of seasonal change in the lower parts of this state will result in a traffic setback of at least 30 minutes or more.

God be with you if this seasonal change instantly occurs while you're on the freeway. I'm not even sure they sell insurance for days like that.

* WARNING: This post will only truly be enjoyed by any female who has ever experienced an epic week of Paralyzing My Sanity Syndrome. So, to all you male readers, of which I'm guessing there may only be one or two, consider this a cautionary tale. Never EVER approach a woman who's makeup is slightly askew or buttons are buttoned incorrectly or looks to be on the verge of tears, but is really "yawning", for any reason. Whatever it is you have to say can wait. Just walk away. Do it for your health's sake. 

Hairy Kiri

There's something simply amazing about a girl's hair! We women have way more options to deal with on a daily basis and it's not limited to just our hair: skirt, pants or dress? clutch, over the shoulder bag or wallet? heels or flats? short hair or long hair? straight or curly? blonde or brunette?

I know that men can cut and dye their hair, too, but for some reason it's a much bigger deal for a woman to change her hair than a man. Earlier this year I posted on Facebook my hair's evolution since last summer. I had decided to cut about 10 inches of my hair off and let it go back to it's naturally curly state for a number of reasons-one of them being, I thought I would attract a different type of man if I had a different hair style. So, I tried just about everything under the sun. If it was a possibility (and wouldn't make my hair fall out) I did it! Straight, curly, bangs, long, short, blondish, brownish, dark....I just loved having all those options! And what I found was that my hair didn't attract new types of men because it was different. I attracted new types of men, because of how my hair made me feel.

Here's the catch and my theory: a woman's hair dictates her identity and attitude.

When I had long, straight hair with blunt cut bangs I walked around with my head held a little higher than normal. I wore nicer clothes, always had my makeup and jewelry on perfectly and almost always had a pair of heels adorning my feet. Now that I'm making the transition back to my long curly hair (sans the bangs) I wear clothes that are a little more free-flowing and relaxed and I walk in full confidence that all my cards are on the table at all times. It almost feels as if I'm being more honest with myself and everyone around me to know that my hair holds no secrets these days. I've been walking around with a crazy mop of curly strands that seem to say, "This is what it looks like first thing in the morning, last thing at night and the color is what it is."

Never in a million years would I have thought that anytime I cut a few inches off my hair it would effect my outlook on life, but here I am walking around in more freedom of identity than I know what to do with...

Because I'm Cool Like That.

I've said it before and I'm saying it again today: If you want to discover all the awful, weak and pathetic parts of yourself then, by all means, dive head long into a relationship. And don't limit yourself to commitment. Even those affairs that cannot yet be defined as a full blown boyfriend/girlfriend situation can qualify. Just get yourself involved in any sort of connection with a human you find even remotely attractive, share a few intimate things, and you'll get to see all the sad parts of your inner being present themselves in the most horrifying of ways.

Jealousy. Selfishness. Neediness. Feeling left out. Loneliness. You name it, it will come forth amidst the most bizarre circumstances. And after all of those wretched traits have come to the surface the only things left to contend with will be Humility and Honesty. Humility can be easy to take on, since it only requires you to admit that you don't know everything. But Honesty... Well, Honesty can be a tough bitch to grapple with. It's all about being truthful with yourself, and in turn being truthful with your heart's current interest, about how many levels there are to your craziness.

But fear not! As a good friend said to me awhile ago, "You just need to find someone who loves your crazy." Because, like it or not, we all posses our own version of lunacy. The trick is to find someone who sees it, loves you through it and still thinks you're great. 

Have I found this someone? I don't know. Only time will tell me that and it insists on working at its own pace. In the meantime, I'm learning how to slow myself down, tame my bouts of craziness and try not to fall into that all-too-familiar slump of thinking I'm unlovable, because I know that even on my best days I'm still susceptible to being "cool" like that. *wink*