Lessons in Learning How to Rest, Part Six.

Lesson Six: He said. She said. Cut the chatter.

When I was a little girl I liked to pretend that I was the CEO of a company on the verge of a hostile take-over. I would hold multiple conference calls all day, shouting orders to lower level employees about how "this" was a rush and "that" had to get done by the end of the work day. My favorite part of the fantasy was the conference calls with multiple people where we all dispensed our wisdom on the subject at hand. I had watched my dad hold a number of professional phone calls as a kid, memorizing his every gesture. So, I knew exactly what to say to my imaginary conversational counterparts. Ah yes, conference calls were the best!

Now, however, my life has become one giant conference call. All day long my phone lights up while simultaneously making noise notifying me of the hundreds of people waiting to have a conversation in about fifty different ways. And I have no one to blame but myself for the constant barrage of communication. I wanted it. I was convinced that I needed it. My daily dose of advice, input, the constant clicking of tongues.

I realized this week that my childhood fantasy of talking all day long had become a nightmare. There was no light at the end of the tunnel that constantly reverberated with the hum of a million voices. No peaceful land in sight away from the white noise of conversing. And while my dad taught me the art of making a well delivered phone call, he also gave me good advice last year: "Stop listening to what everyone else has to say and just do whatever it is that YOU wanna do. Cut out the constant chatter, kid." 

So, I finally decided to take his advice this week. One year later, but I'm taking it nonetheless! I've ruthlessly stopped returning phone calls. I answer only the necessary emails in short and concise sentences that don't signal a reply. I've banished my phone to silent mode and have started leaving it in other rooms of the house, out of earshot. I've turned off. I've shut down. I've cut it all out. And I've come to a conclusion: I've known what to do all along, but stubbornly insisted on hearing everyone else out first. I don't need to have endless phone calls day and night in order to make the right decisions for me. But I do need to take a serious break from all the chatter.

Wait. Why do I have to be the boss?!

So many great opportunities have come up lately that are keeping me awake at night. I'm absolutely exhausted trying to figure out what's right for me. I can't believe that I'm sleep deprived because of all the positive things in my life...

I've always been a firm believer that opportunity exists where ever you are and that's it entirely up to you to make it happen. That being said, it also doesn't hurt to have a few signs pointing you in the correct direction. And right about now, I have so many freaking signs pointing me in far too many directions that I've become frozen, like a deer in the headlights.

I recently gained a new client up north as well as a few career possibilities down south. And now I'm just plain tired. I'm tired of making all the hard decisions all alone and having to be the one that has the final say about what's right for me. If I'm being honest, I don't know that I'm always the best judge of what's right for me. Most of the time I'm pretty close to being on target, but the rest of time things don't always end up all happy clappy.

So, dear readers, what have you done in the past that has helped you make those hard decisions for yourself?

The Do's and Dont's

I recently made a list of dont's for myself. Not my usual list. Usually my lists consist of things I want to get done or aspire to accomplish. Some are long and may take a lifetime to achieve. Others are short and I race around all dayweekmonth trying to cross every last word off my little, yellow sticky notes.

All of this was brought on when I noticed that I have an insane amount of freedom these days. Teetering on ultimate freedom. I don't have a home. I have a job that affords me to travel anywhere at anytime. I'm single for the first time in years. I'm free. To do whatever. And it's kind of been stressing me out. I know. I know. It sounds great. On paper. But the reality is, not very many people want to be this free for long. I know I don't. But in the meantime, I refuse to be miserable during a time that could be amazing.

Without further ado, the list of dont's:

1. Don't get knocked up yet.
   (Can also be read: don't do anything that will get you knocked up.) Being single, this is highly unlikely to happen. But I thought it would be a good one to write down so that my new found freedom wouldn't go to my head! I'm free. Not invincible.
2. Don't spend money and time on things that don't matter.
   Having fewer expenses opens up a girls options, but I'm trying to be careful to not get sucked into anything that doesn't really need my involvement.
3. Don't be afraid of what could be.
   With any place. Or any person. Or any opportunity.
4. Don't be afraid to jump.
   I'm notorious for deliberating a decision to death.
5. Don't spend free time worrying.
   Such a waste.
6. Don't forget to say no. A lot.
   I'm a sucker for puppy dog eyes and stories of the heart.
7. Don't forget to spend time with the kiddos in the family.
   They grow up so fast. (Partial pun intended.)
8. Don't neglect the parents. They will be old someday.
9. Don't opt out of fun. It doesn't come around every day.
10. Don't forget: you're young.
    Sometimes (read: all the time) I put enormous amounts of pressure on myself to be great while doing great things with great people in great places. It's a little much. Plus, I just had a conversation with a good friend the other night about turning 40 and being alone with cats. I hate cats.

A list of dont's can be such a downer. It runs the risk of putting one in a box. And nobody likes to be told what to do-even if it's coming from their own Jiminy Cricket. But I think, for this city girl, my list of dont's is just right.