I Don't Want No Scrub

Remember Stage 5 Clinger? Well,this City Girl does. All too well. And as of this week, am reminded of that guy while constructing a well thought out text message to somehow detach myself from my recent self-imposed "birthday present."

I'm not great at being the breaker upper....especially when it needs to happen after only two dates. TWO DATES!!! Honestly, I don't know where these guys come from! Who needs to send a break-up text after two dates?!

Just for the sake of having a somewhat interesting blog post, let's outline the second (and what I'm sure will be the last) date in list form, noting that this second date was preceded by multiple unanswered phone calls and several half-answered text messages. The letters "L" and "O" have never been so exhausted.

 How was your day, beautiful girl?.....It's raining out. I'm going to take a cab downtown! lol.....I think my cat just winked at me. lol.......I really miss you.....I hope you're sleeping well! lol

1. He invited me to a soccer game and later called asking if I could pick him up on the way. Let's just say the song No Scrubs by TLC came to mind.
2. I arrived at the game a few minutes after he did and learned that soccer games are the international melting pot of our fair city. (Spoiler Alert: This was the only enjoyable part.) If I hadn't been so busy trying to avoid his effort to smother snuggle me I would've leaned back, closed my eyes and pretended I was in the hub of Heathrow Airport. However, having someone constantly try to inch closer to you and hold your....everything, keeps one from being able to close their eyes except for the occasional blink to lubricate the eye sockets.
3. Mr. No Boundaries, now practically sitting in my lap, finally asked if he could hold my hand. In an attempt to give him the friend vibe I hid my hand in the end of my sleeve and handed him my jersey knit stump, claiming that there was a chill in the muggy summer air.
4. Attempt thwarted. He caressed my stump while staring at the side of my face.
5. The game finally ended and he asked if I would drive him home. Oh and did I mention that I had to tell him about FIVE HUNDRED TIMES that I had to wake up early the next day, so going out for a drink was out of the question? Yeah. It's super fun to talk like a broken record.
6. He attempted to kiss me at the car, but being swifter than he, I managed to dive headfirst into the driver's seat before Birthday Eve was repeated.
7. I pulled the car up to his house, put it in park and he sang to me. And not like "Oh cute. He's singing with the radio." We're talking about the kind of singing that was memorized and rehearsed for a one-time performance. For yours truly.
   Will the awkward moments never end?!
8. I followed up his solo with a nice generic comment like "Well, thanks again!" and flashed my now desert-like dry eyes toward the door, hoping he would take the hint. After what felt like an eternity of silence, he finally vacated the car and probably felt the whoosh of wind as I sped away like Mario Andretti.
9. I pulled up to my own house a few minutes later only to discover that he had left his sweater in my car.

So, dear readers, I leave the ending up to you: Burn it or do a Ding Dong Ditch and hope he doesn't answer the door in time?

A Birthday Present To Myself

Happy Birthday to me!

What did I get myself this year? Oh nothing much....just a small catastrophe that I will lay out for you in list form:

1.  In an attempt to start moving on since the fast/intense relationship with The Light In My Eyes, I have decided to start dating again.
2. I got asked on a date Friday night that sort of fell apart (partly my fault).
3. I found said date on a social media site so that I could apologize for somewhat disappearing.
4. Impulsively asked him (who just so happens to look A LOT like this guy) if he'd be my date to a friend's wedding today.
5. This is the part where things take an unexpected turn: He is crazy about me. As in, has been watching me from afar for months, pining away, over the moon, cuh-razy. (Oh. No.)
6. Was kissed long and good (thank you, Sandlot) and should have said no before it started, but darn it if the compliments weren't so flattering that got me into that position.
7. Had every intention of turning this guy down flat when we parted ways and instead agreed to go on a second date with him later this week.

So, happy birthday to me. I was hoping for a pair of cowboy boots and have instead landed in what looks to be another stupid but awesome but stupid relationship.

Lifestyles of the Not So Rich & Not Quite Famous

This. Week. Is. Killing. Me.*

Lately, a list, which is becoming quite lengthy, has been compiled of all the things in this particular city that are irritatingly true and unavoidable. And this week is the perfect time to unleash the top three irritants on the 'ol blog. Why, you ask? Well, anytime one of these pet peeves rears its ugly little head this City Girl inevitably ends up growling inwardly or sometimes shouts to no one in particular, while wearing a hands-free headset so as not to look crazy, about the inanity of "it all" while driving around with the windows rolled up.

On second thought, that probably still looks a little unhinged. *ahem*

Irritant No. 1: If all drivers arrive at the intersection at the same time, let she who drives the nicer vehicle proceed through the intersection first.
There are Classists afoot in this very city! Be warned, all you locals who think that the rules of the road apply to those from the affluent parts of town. They do not. You may have been sitting at that stop sign for the last 3 minutes, being ever so cautious and ready to pull into the intersection, but if the opposing driver on the road is behind the wheel a vehicle that costs twice as much as yours then be prepared to reschedule the rest of your day while you sit at said intersection and wait for some poor sucker in an 1992 Nissan to pull up to the stop sign opposite you so you can get on with your day. That's right! You can bet your sweet Benz that that turkey will not only trump your right of way, he will more than likely ignore all stop signs and other government enforced postings. He is, after all, driving a Bentley.  

Step aside, lowly Volvo drivers!

Irritant No. 2: Beautiful people are not an anomaly here. They're what we call "locals".
Let's just say, hypothetically, you're having an "off" week. You just had a good cry in your car while sitting in the parking lot of Starbucks, nursing your hormones back to a relatively stable level with some sort of chocolate coffee drink. As you pull yourself together you glance in your mirror and notice that although you feel as though you could go through the rest of your day without another break down you have, unfortunately, cried off all your makeup and that blemish that was once perfectly disguised around the lower area of your chin has now made its way up to the middle of your forehead and is beaming red like a beacon in the night.

In any other town, this City Girl would say, "Go on, girl! Finish that day!" But not in this town. I will never say that in this town. Because the minute you drive away and pull up to your next stop you will notice that every single person in this Stepford-like city is stunningly beautiful in a way that makes one question, "Just what is in the water here?!" And we're not talking about inner beauty. We're talking about the kind of beauty that makes you painfully aware of any minute line that may appear anywhere on your body, practically demands that you pay more in gym membership fees than rent, and gives you the overwhelming feeling that lighting your wardrobe on fire and starting anew really is a good idea. Should your level of sanity be on the fritz in The Land of Perfection and Youth do yourself a giant favor and drive straight home. Do not pass Go. Do not pay $100. (I'd say "collect", but anyone in this town knows you're more likely to pay than collect.) Just throw on those designer sweat pants, open up that $50 bottle of Bordeaux you've been saving and switch on your 90" flat screen TV while you sink back into your custom leather sofa in hopes that you can get yourself rested and camera-ready for the next day!

Those amenities are not standard in this Girl's household, but darn it they should be!

Irritant No. 3: When driving in the rain it's best to be cautious. Better slow down to 35mph on the freeway. You know, just to be safe!
There's a running joke in this town that any time a visitor asks what the weather forecast will be any given day in our fair city a local will always chuckle and say, "It should be a sunny 70 degrees!" To say that rainy days are a rarity here is an understatement. So when the slightest hint of moisture can be felt in the air every local driver on the freeway will inevitably slow to an agonizing 35mph.

 I only wish I was kidding about this.

One can't be sure if it's the fear of getting even the tiniest of scratches on their brand new Porsches that has the townfolk so nervous or the fact that most families can be birthed, raised and sent off to college before another rainy season starts that has everyone completely baffled at this onset of water falling from the sky. Either way, be aware of the fact that any kind of seasonal change in the lower parts of this state will result in a traffic setback of at least 30 minutes or more.

God be with you if this seasonal change instantly occurs while you're on the freeway. I'm not even sure they sell insurance for days like that.

* WARNING: This post will only truly be enjoyed by any female who has ever experienced an epic week of Paralyzing My Sanity Syndrome. So, to all you male readers, of which I'm guessing there may only be one or two, consider this a cautionary tale. Never EVER approach a woman who's makeup is slightly askew or buttons are buttoned incorrectly or looks to be on the verge of tears, but is really "yawning", for any reason. Whatever it is you have to say can wait. Just walk away. Do it for your health's sake. 

Giant Baby Steps

So many times in the past couple months I've clicked over to this blog fully intending to write some revolutionary post about being kick ass only to sit in front of the computer screen, sigh, and then close the window. I would read my latest post and realize I had nothing to report. Nothing noteworthy to shout about to The Interweb. Life was....well, exactly that. Life was.

And then somewhere, in the daily struggle to remain on my feet, to breathe in and out all day long while arguing with The Light In My Eyes to either become the man he should be or go away all together, a seed of hope was planted. Through the emotional haze, and the fog that surrounds the act of "going all in", a glimmer of hope twinkled bright enough to catch my heart's eye. A twinkle just bright enough to help this City Girl regain her balance and catch her breath.

Every day and every night I've been hearing sweet, soft words that say, "Stay here a little longer and just keep with these baby steps."There are distractions galore that I could glom onto, but this City Girl is too busy chasing the twinkle. Too enamored with the possibility of it reflecting off of something greater than itself. And too in awe of the fact that when I turn back and try to mentally relive select moments from the past my eyes can only see that those steps that seem baby-sized are really the footsteps of a giant.

The Trifecta

I had this exact thing happen one other time. It was years and years ago. I showed up to a class in college, spotted someone I hadn't seen in months - almost a year - and the trifecta was complete. I was having a week that I aptly titled and referred to for weeks afterward as Return of the Ex-Boyfriends. It was more than a happening. It was an event. It was noteworthy. It was weird.

This weekend was no different.

The thing about using the word trifecta* is it's only an accurate description if things shows up in the proper order: first, second, third. Well, for this City Girl the last few days have been the trifecta of perfection. Not only did the ex-boyfriends return, but they showed their faces in the exact order in which they were dated. First. Second. And the heart-wrenching third.

The Possibility sent a text message after several months of silence. And let me just say, I have never been a fan of reaching out to anyone via text message for anything of importance and I still stand by that principle. Text messages are for last minute directions and afterthoughts for someone who just ran to the grocery store for you. Not to mention, if we're not friends online anymore we're not friends.

Yeah...sorry...that text "didn't come through."

Bachelor Number Two showed his face tonight which didn't exactly sway me since we seem to run into each other more often than not. At which point I leaned over to my friend and told her that I seemed to be having a Return of the Ex-Boyfriends weekend. Then, lo and behold, The Light In My Eyes entered the room and stole Bachelor Number Two's seat. Which turned out to be funny to watch as they both know that the only thing they have in common is this City Girl and probably aren't each other's biggest fan. And then one of them noticed me across the room. I smiled. He looked around awkwardly and quickly found a new seat. I giggled to myself. And....scene.

Was it a haunting? Fate? Coincidence?

Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll run into my first kiss...

*Disclaimer: All boyfriends previous to the last three were waaaay back in my early twenties, were stupid and young and therefore are no longer important enough to include in the list. So, I will now only refer to these previous three. Possibly for the rest of my life.

Community. The show and the real thing.

Life on The Ranch. Not glamorous. Not exciting. Not fast-paced, by any means. Secluded. Dusty....Different. So, different, in fact, that it feels as if I've been living in another time. I must have slipped through some portal in the universe and ended up in some other version of my life. Or maybe it's that I have taken over Dr. Sam Beckett's job and nobody remembered to tell me.

In any case, this not so glamorous life could have some serious holes in it if it weren't for Community. And I mean that in every sense of the word: the TV show and the real thing. While I've just about exhausted myself with watching the repeated jokes of the TV show to fill up the few lonesome nights, I've also been in awe of just how awesome Community can be from just about every person I've ever come in contact with. The dinner invites, the house guests, the planned excursions...it brings this City Girl to tears just about every time. The encouragement and love has been overwhelming and has made this shift in my universe possible to withstand.

I don't know what I would do without Community.

2011...What A Ride!

Every first day of January I sit down and write out what I want to see happen in my life for the new year. Some of my ideas are small while others are lofty dreams. Then at the start of the following year I like to look back at the previous list and journal entries to see what I managed to accomplish and how my life changed. And this year I am proud to say that almost every single thing on the list was crossed off!

In years past, I would maybe try to push myself harder or feel a little sad that only half the list got tackled. But this year, before I even peered into the past, I reminded myself that all that I saw and all that I did in the last 12 months could not have happened any other way. The past isn't changeable. It's the story that explains who I am today. So, while it would have been awesome to live in Italy for a month like I had wanted, the reward of sticking around my new home has been equally as great if not better. The dream I had for 2011 came true and even exceeded my wildest expectations in some cases.

What an amazing and life transforming year 2011 has been! I learned. I grew. I overcame. And I wouldn't trade any of it for the world...

Lessons in Learning How to Rest, Part Seven.

Lesson Seven: Don't get stuck in the moment. This too shall pass. 

Remember how I said earlier this year that I'm cutting all the chatter? Well, sometimes the chatter will all but scream at you. I have learned, however, that you don't have to listen to it or let it effect you. Seems like everyone I run into these days (acquaintance, friend, stranger, you name it!) has an opinion on my love life. My everyday life seems to be in order, according to everyone with a mouth, but my love life is clearly in arrears.

Strangers have told me not to give up on love. The other day my chiropractor announced out of nowhere that he's getting me ready for matrimony by correcting my posture. (Nobody loves a hunchback!) Friends from all corners of the world have told me that I need to start dating men, not boys. (As if I'd known those other guys would turn out to be emotionally stunted jerkfaces.) My mother thinks the last guy could still pull it together and morph into my happily ever after. And others think my Prince Charming is just 'round the bend. (If this is true, I'm worried he's a little stupid and can't figure how to make right turns. He should be here by now!)

The only chatter I've heard lately that makes sense to me, the only words that have resonated in my very being, have been these: This too shall pass. 

I was plagued for days this week with a feeling that made me want to crawl under the covers of my bed and not come out until someone checked my closet for The Boogeyman. The feeling was awful. I felt like I was being chased by it. And I couldn't figure out what it was or why it was haunting me until I met up with a friend for one of our Skype dates. As we were talking, the truth, that unidentified feeling, came to the surface. I was sad. I was sad about getting repeatedly kicked in the teeth by love. And I had been hiding it under layers of optimism and big ideas for the business and other parts of my life in hopes that it would eventually dissipate. I was also tired. Tired of dating idiots, boys, whatever you wanna call them. I was tired of feeling bad about myself. I was tired of still caring about these guys who don't really care about me as much as they care about themselves. I was tired of apologizing for feeling the way I do and not having it all together as per my usual. And, lastly, I was tired of waiting for Mr. Right.

The thing about feelings is they don't go away until you confront them, head on, grab them by the horns and stare them straight in the eyes. And so she let me cry big crocodile tears with her via Skype. (Not too unlike a few nights before when I sobbed to my best friend for reasons I wasn't entirely sure of yet.) And while she said a lot of things that night, the advice that stuck with me was to not get stuck in the moment, because as awful as it was it would pass. And while I'm still living out the last bits of this moment, I know in my heart my friend is right. I can't get stuck here. It will pass...

Don't Be A Hater

Ok, kids, this is just getting weird. I love a good random moment. I mean, c'mon, who doesn't?! But the number of random moments that have crowded my days lately is just astounding. And let me just say this: It usually takes me a solid day or two before those random moments actually register. So, it seems like every two days I am reliving all those random moments over and over again aside from all the new random moments that keep crashing into my daily life.

Let's review what just happened this morning. Mmkay?

I went to one of my favorite coffee shops this morning where I ran into some friends having coffee. The plan was to sit my tucas down and pound out some much needed design work for my new website, but instead ended up getting roped into a ridiculously long catch up/chatty cathy session. Meanwhile, a 78 year old woman (never mind how I found out that little nugget of info...) sat at the table next to us, every once in awhile chiming into our conversation, while she was waiting for her friend to show up. I was starting to think that her "friend" was never coming and that maybe she was just a lonely old soul with nowhere to go and nothing to do. But minutes later her imaginary friend appeared and soon after the three of us started packing up our things to head to lunch. Just as we started to step away from the table the old woman stopped me and told me not to give up on love. Mind you, we hadn't talked about relationships while she was there. In fact, the only time we talked about relationships was to rehash our friends past and now current relationship with a fabulous woman I haven't met, but already adore. A conversation for which she was not present.

Even typing out those very words now makes my breath catch in my chest and my eyes well up with tears. Who was that strange woman? And how did she know what had been circling round my brain and reverberating through my very being? I haven't exactly thrown in the towel on love, but I have definitely made it clear to friends who are eager to play matchmaker that my heart needs a break. Not to mention, I flippantly made a comment the other night that has clearly been owning my subconscious that basically implied I believe all my future relationships will end in ruin.

I haven't gone all out and become some sort of asexual being or tried to join a nunnery, but I may as well have tattooed the words "Love Hater" on my chest since my latest break up session. And I still can't say just how that 78 year old woman knew my story, but she said exactly what this City Girl needed to hear.

Time Wounds All Heels.

Last Sunday I ran into a man who in the past has made my life a misery. Ever since my move back to The Beach I have been avoiding running into this guy as if my life depended on it. Now, I'm known to avoid people on occasion for a number of reasons: too tired to chat, ex-boyfriends (these reasons go without saying), crabby or demanding clients, etc. But in the past few months the very thought of running into this particular person has made my stomach turn, my face contort into a frown and plagued my heart with heaviness. Some people have the ability to make others feel about 2 inches tall in a matter of a few sentences and this guy has had that exact gift. At least that gift shined through every time I was around.

However, all that has changed. I decided to visit a church that I used to frequent and my friends still attend. And when it was time to do the "meet and greet" part of church I was shocked to find that I was sitting only 2 seats away from someone I have considered my arch enemy for the past few years. I've tried extra hard not to harbor mean feelings toward this guy, but it has been a challenge to say the least. And when I was finally let go from my job last year I was ecstatic at the thought of never again having to deal with said guy. That is until last Sunday...

Needless to say, my jaw dropped open almost to the floor. My first thoughts: What the hell is THIS guy doing in a church? And how did he not spontaneously combust into flames when he walked through the door?! I was greeted with such an enormous bear hug and kiss on the cheek I almost passed out from shock. I was overwhelmed and truly swept off my feet by the surprising gesture. In the time that I had been away this man had chosen to change his stars and is now living a life transformed. He had changed. He was happy. And I was in shock. For days.

And in light of past posts about relationships, let me just say that this turn of events, this uplifting chance run-in, has changed my life. It made me realize that it was finally time to let go of all those untruths that have been plaguing me, those little lies that I had let dictate my self worth. That chance encounter was a definite turning point for my self esteem and confidence. It saved me.

In a church of all places, of course! Ha!

Dinner For Two

A man is making me dinner tomorrow night. Making. Dinner. For me. And I should mention, this is the same guy that texted/called me every day he was gone last week. Every. Single. Day. Without missing a beat. I'm frickin' swooning over here!

Did I win the lottery? Am I dreaming? Did I accidentally tip someone $100 and rack up all kinds of lucky karma points?! 

He calls. He pays. He makes dinner. Needless to say, he makes my day.

Ride of a Lifetime

Today's wisdom: Life is the wildest ride you will ever take and anyone who tells you any different is a liar. 

I got kissed this morning. It was sweet and felt long overdue when in reality I've only gotten to know this person over the past week. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would find someone so great, so kind and so wonderful this quickly after calling it quits with a different someone who had, in a way, become my best friend.

I don't know what will become of this. All I can say is that a whole helluva lot can happen in a week's time and I will never again assume how my life will go.

Ships in the Nighttime

"Ships that pass in the night": Often said of people who meet for a brief but intense moment and then part, never to see each other again.

We were two ships passing each other in the nighttime. The odds of us meeting in the first place...well, it was more than coincidence. It was fate. It wasn't meaningless or for nothing. There was a reason. There was purpose. But the thing about two ships passing each other in the night is that nothing is really clear. Everywhere but the spot you're standing in is hazy. It's clouded and difficult to see. While it's amazing to meet someone in the dark of night, it's not ideal. The timing would be better in the daytime. 

Our ships crossed paths in the night a number of times and every time the timing could have been better, except we hadn't met yet or one of us was flying out when the other was flying in or one of us was living out a part of our lives in other countries or states. Whatever the reason, the timing was never quite on. A little bird told me today that our two ships had passed each other, once again, just narrowly missing one another by a day. The funny thing is it wasn't funny, because this is how it's always been: meeting up at the worst possible times or missing each other by mere hours. 

It's amazing to me how many times your ship can pass another for days or months or years without colliding or ever making contact. Makes me wonder how many other ships are out there that I have yet to pass? Will I sail past the last one again? And will it ever be in the daytime?

Work hard, play hard.

I recently had an appointment with a new chiropractor and had to list off all of my past ailments including any incident that would send one to the emergency room. I was somewhat embarrassed to admit that I've had more than my far share of ER visits in the past.

As I listed off my tangled web of concussions and broken bones to this new doctor I noticed that his note taking could barely keep up with my lengthy speech. I stopped mid-sentence and blushed at his furious scribbling. I started to say how I was probably the first girl that he'd ever had in his office with such a sordid history when he stopped me and said, "If someone doesn't have a long list like yours, they haven't played hard enough." This, of course, made me smile and blush even harder.

I later felt like I had walked out of his office with a gold star. I was almost beaming at the thought that somebody would view my history of accidents as a memorable memoir. My failed attempts didn't mark me a failure, but rather an avid liver of life!

Every time I've taken a fall in the past the following questions race through my mind:

1. Did I just break another bone?
2. Oh crap, is that blood? 
3. Exactly how many people just saw me do that?

A concept I've been slowly grasping during my "life sabbatical" this last year is that it doesn't matter what others think. Don't let the opinionsthoughtsfeelings of others dictate what you do and who you become.

Of course this concept would finally resonate with me in yet another doctor's office. Ha!

I have by no means perfected this mindset, but I do feel that I am armed to the teeth with a new outlook on life. So, as I begin to look for a new place to live at The Beach I am not letting outside influences have an effect on my decisions. I will just continue to work hard, play hard and live out my sometimes clumsy life.

Stage Five Clinger

First, let me just say that I hate with a passion how this blog has somewhat become my dumping grounds for all things love related. That being said, I have nowhere else to dump all these stories and I can't write as fast as I type. So, here it is.

Last year I mentioned that I had a certain someone that just wouldn't take the hint and leave me alone. Our relationship ended somewhat suddenly when he decided that he would go where the wind blew him. It blew him into someone else within a week of my leaving his city.

Charming. 

One would think that if you were with someone who lights up your life there would be no need for anyone else. Apparently, this rule does not apply to free spirited people. I think this is crap. And since I hear from him once a month (like clockwork!) I wonder if his significant other is aware of this. This irritates me. It plays with my heart (even though I never respond) and it makes me sad for her.

I told this guy in no uncertain terms that we were through. We were over. No friendship. No facebook. No IM. Nothing. And yet I still hear from this player every 30 days. I've resorted to ignoring him, because it seems to be my last card to play. However, it seems to go unnoticed by him....

What to do? What to do?

The winds of change.

The last couple of weeks have been crazy. And by crazy I mean it feels like I've been tossed around inside one of those rickety carnival rides....like the zipper. I hate that ride.

I went up to Portland last week to fully check it out and make a decision about whether or not I wanted to live there. I do. Yippee, right? Yes, yippee indeed. Not only did everything seem to line up perfectly and the city sweetly welcomed me with open arms, but contacts were made and the beginning of a new time in my life seems to be happening. And to mark that beginning I was laid off from a job I've had with an agency back at The Beach for almost 3 years.

Wait. What?!

So, what was supposed to be my means for moving just got yanked out from under me. And rather abruptly, I might add. Although, if I'm supposed to officially be an Oregonian (with their overly colorful-some might say dorky-license plates and all) then maybe it's time I become fully employed by the state that I will call my residence. So, instead of feigning a panic attack for theatrical purposes which will accomplish nothing but an accelerated heart rate, I've decided to reinvent the wheel of my career. The moment I hung up the phone with the CEO of my former company I began to brainstorm wildly about all the things I could do while unemployed and how to put myself heads above the rest in the job hunt. It was crazy-carnival crazy-how I didn't feel that horrible sinking/stomach-dropping-out-of-butt feeling when my British accented boss swung the ax, so to speak. I felt relieved. Almost as if a weight had been lifted. I felt peaceful.

Lessons in Learning How to Rest, Part Two.

Lesson 2: Trim the Fat

For the longest time I've been a champ at balancing my crazy life.

Crazy that I brought on myself, but let's not argue semantics!

That is until recently, when I decided to take a break from my life. And since then it's all boiled down to just the numbers. Kind of like taking stock of everything that defines who you are. Or in my case, why I haven't slowed down long enough to catch my breath. It started with all the things I had accomplished or put up with in the last 10 years and now it's come down to the details. The mundane stuff that just seemed to add up all on its own:

516 friends on Facebook
373 people in my address book
600 text messages per month
500 minutes worth of phone calls
42 people to follow on Twitter
49 people following me on Twitter
At least 35 emails per day


I've inadvertently started to master lesson number two while trying to learn lesson number one. And while I still suck at slowing down, I am rocking the trimming of the fat! I've literally been in awe of myself. My personality is almost unrecognizable. I not only stay in every night, I've stopped returning phone calls. I avoid people at all costs. I've become a cave person!

Or maybe my inner-country girl has finally emerged?

It's weird. I've had a few friends who on occasion would lock themselves in their houses and take a break from everything-all at once. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Why in the world would you want to stop going with the flow of a seemingly fabulous life?! And now I get it. While my life is still pretty great (I had a massage at my new office last week), I not only need to slow down, but stop all together. And putting everything on hold has felt so great. I've never been this relaxed. I've not been this rested since kindergarten. I eat better. I breathe deeper. Life is good. And I have to attribute all this euphoria to the trimming of the fat. The cutting out of the white noise, slipping into my favorite yoga pants, sipping a glass of wine and just enjoying the sunset on The Lake.

I honestly don't know why it took me this long to get here.