Lessons in Learning How to Rest, Part Ten.

Lesson Ten: Seize the Day OR 30 Days = 30 Chances
I recently said yes to a job that I normally would have said no to. Maybe it was because this City Girl has been missing life on The Ranch. Or maybe it was because recent changes have proved to weigh a little heavier on this heart than was anticipated. In any event, for the next 30 days I will be living just far enough away from The Beach that my city life will be taking a backseat to dusty roads, pie making and hauling hay.

Day One I started to think that maybe I had made a huge mistake. Life at The Beach wasn't exactly booming, but it wasn't all that bad was it? And while I did want a break from the monotony of overcast days and the white noise of rolling waves, did I really want to live 30 miles out of town with three horses and two dogs that feel like the equivalent of five foster children? I started to wonder what I had done. Just what had I signed on for?

Day Two looked a little better since a dinner with other humans was scheduled and I managed to finagle a wifi setup, but the nagging feeling of being in way over my head was still plaguing me. Today is Day Three and the feeling was still here. I had been trying to get a routine down and plugging away at some greatly neglected work to fill the time. But busyness does not cure heartache or change or even the occasional loneliness. So I stopped being busy and just sat and listened and thought to myself.

For the next 30 days I will have 30 chances to do...anything! I have 30 chances to get better at yoga, hike and see the sights, make new friends, dream up new business ideas, learn something new, grow spiritually, or just be present. I have 30 days that could change my life or I have 30 days that I can let make my life a misery.

So, once again, this City Girl is taking a leap. This time into undiscovered waters of unknown depth.

Instant Make-Me-Over

On a completely different note, I have discovered something that people base their entire career off of and travel the world speaking about. I have met these people in the past and never truly grasped what they were saying and it's possible I just didn't believe it was for me. Now, however, that's all different. I met someone (a new friend through a mutual friend) who strongly believes in this statement. She encouraged me to find out more about myself and that meeting with her has made all the difference for this City Girl, business owner, friend, daughter, sister.

"There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you know who you are." -Stedman Graham

Absolutely L-O-V-E that idea.

In fact, I bought a book last year that changed my life. Cliché thing to say, I know, but it really, truly opened my eyes to a new way of living and excelling in my own life. Highly recommend.

Confucius say...

Today I had an epiphany while sitting on yet another plane. It sounded like the voice of God and was reminiscent of something I've read on a tea bag tag or the inside of a fortune cookie.

"All good things come with time. All great things come with patience."

I've been wrestling with myself lately, trying to be patient and kind and unassuming of the my new relationship while allowing myself to finish grieving over the last one. I've been trying my hardest to make the best of this year and fully appreciate being in every moment. And this morning I was trying to keep myself from crying from exhaustion.

As much as I would love to blame all the traveling, I am the one who exhausted myself. My lack of patience and my irritation with practically everything has officially worn me out. And, of course, had I had this thought any earlier than today I would have forgotten what I had just realized a moment later. Sometimes, it seems I have to thoroughly drain my very being before I can actually learn a lesson.

Dinner For Two

A man is making me dinner tomorrow night. Making. Dinner. For me. And I should mention, this is the same guy that texted/called me every day he was gone last week. Every. Single. Day. Without missing a beat. I'm frickin' swooning over here!

Did I win the lottery? Am I dreaming? Did I accidentally tip someone $100 and rack up all kinds of lucky karma points?! 

He calls. He pays. He makes dinner. Needless to say, he makes my day.

Hott Mess. Two T's.

My attention is getting torn in about 50 different directions this week. It’s hard to tell what is supposed to take priority during the day. This week is oddly reminiscent of all the times I’ve packed up for another long stint on the road. My brain just doesn’t know where to start. It has so many thoughts swirling around inside it, it feels like a witches cauldron about to run over.

My heart keeps pining over The Possibility, which forces one half of my brain to regurgitate these same thoughts: What are we? When do we have “that” conversation that makes or breaks all relationships? When am I going to see him again, anyway? What if he still wants to see other people? I’ll have to tell him that won’t work for me. I’ll be alone. Again. I hate that girl that keeps commenting on his facebook page. I hate facebook. I can’t believe I’m letting daily thoughts of some guy dominate half my brain Ooh! A text! Aww, he misses me...I think.

Meanwhile, the other half of my brain is on another page entirely: Is everything really packed up? What am I forgetting? I know I’m forgetting something. I always do. I should paint those shelves before I leave. Did I call my insurance guy? That’s all taken care of, right? Oh god, I hope I don’t crash with that trailer behind my car. Sweet lord, I’m moving on Monday! I hope I don’t get back to The Beach and become homeless within a matter of months. I don’t think I could pull off homeless. My jaw hurts. Why does my jaw keep hurting? Have I been clenching my jaw ALL day?? Oh great. I probably have that worry line forming in between my eyes, too. Did I put all of my marketing plans in iCal, yet? Note to self….oh shoot…I forgot what that note was about.

Between the boy and the move my brain and heart may end up simultaneously exploding. I can’t sleep at night. When I do finally drift off to dreamland, I wake up every hour on the hour, as if my body is trying to remind me of all the daily stress. I can’t eat either. My stomach is constantly in connection with my heart, which constantly reminds it how nervous it should be about my impending date with love or heartache. And I'm not sure what my eyes are connected to, but they keep filling up with tears...