Lessons in Learning How To Rest, Part Thirteen.

Lesson Thirteen: Choose Joy. And peace, while you're at it!

I woke up this morning and immediately dove head first into reading. Not my usual choice. I'm more of a news watcher while curled up in a ball on the couch with a cup of something hot in my hands kind of morning person. I can only assume I had been wrestling with my own thoughts in my sleep, because when I woke this morning I didn't have much recollection of my dreams or a to-do list on my mind. Today I had only questions plaguing me from the moment my eyes fluttered open. After plowing through multiple study books, I realized that I have become "comfortable" in this season of restoration. (Yes, those quotations are meant to be there.) I've become as comfortable as one can be when shoved between a jagged rock and a brick wall covered in barbed wire.

I don't exactly remember choosing joy in this season, though. I remember decidedly muscling through a difficult and painful time. I can also recall choosing to laugh every now and then in the face of adverse situations. But choosing joy....well, that wasn't too high on the list this year. In fact, I very distinctly remember choosing to be cross with this particular phrase. My inner scrolling ticker of thoughts has been more prone to notions like this, "You choose joy, jerk. I'll choose cutting phrases and undermining wit!"

Bitter and Cynical, party of one!

And then I read something this morning about petitions in a higher place being made on behalf of us mere mortals when we aren't able to make them for ourselves. And I suddenly realized why I was able to find a resting spot in this heavy-laden and wearisome time. I didn't find it. It was a gift. And for the girl who isn't normally a fan of having decisions made for her didn't really care all that much this time. When it has felt for an extended amount of time that all hope is lost or that the proverbial shit has hit the fan, it's so nice to wake up with a slight grin on your face, hope in your heart and total peace about what's to come.

So, instead of looking this gift horse in the mouth, this City Girl is choosing the joy that has been decided for her. And she's gonna grab that peace that defies all logic while she can!

Giant Baby Steps

So many times in the past couple months I've clicked over to this blog fully intending to write some revolutionary post about being kick ass only to sit in front of the computer screen, sigh, and then close the window. I would read my latest post and realize I had nothing to report. Nothing noteworthy to shout about to The Interweb. Life was....well, exactly that. Life was.

And then somewhere, in the daily struggle to remain on my feet, to breathe in and out all day long while arguing with The Light In My Eyes to either become the man he should be or go away all together, a seed of hope was planted. Through the emotional haze, and the fog that surrounds the act of "going all in", a glimmer of hope twinkled bright enough to catch my heart's eye. A twinkle just bright enough to help this City Girl regain her balance and catch her breath.

Every day and every night I've been hearing sweet, soft words that say, "Stay here a little longer and just keep with these baby steps."There are distractions galore that I could glom onto, but this City Girl is too busy chasing the twinkle. Too enamored with the possibility of it reflecting off of something greater than itself. And too in awe of the fact that when I turn back and try to mentally relive select moments from the past my eyes can only see that those steps that seem baby-sized are really the footsteps of a giant.

Doing Life Together

Last week I went on what turned out to be a crazy, intense road trip to my boyfriend's sister's wedding. The trip started on Tuesday night and didn't end until Sunday night, where we both felt that we were clawing our way to the finish line.

Now, this road trip was intense for a number of reasons: family getting married, surprise visits from old friends, meeting every single one of his relatives, celebrating the last birthday of his twenties, very little sleep, concentrated time together in the same house for days on end, me trying to make a good impression on his family for days on end, and the fact that it was DAYS ON END with zero down time....

Heh.

The overused phrase of the weekend in all the speeches, chit chat and toasts was "doing life together." As in, "We are so happy to get to do life with them." Or, "We just love doing life together." This phrase, which later became a little joke between this City Girl and The Light In Her Eyes, really does sum up rather well what we're all doing as a whole. Every single one of my friends and family members and I are doing life together.

Doing life together. I couldn't stop hearing those three words echo in my head all last week and even now. 

Since returning from the land of all things love and marriage related, the boyfriend and I had a long processing conversation about IT ALL. There was a lot to think about, a lot to be said. Still, all I can hear in my head is one question: who have I been doing life with? Who should I be doing life with? Have I chosen quality people that I want by my side to go through this journey with me?

I haven't made any rash decisions. I haven't cut people out or added any new people in. It's just a question that has been circling my brain ever since that crazy, intense road trip...