Because I'm Cool Like That.

I've said it before and I'm saying it again today: If you want to discover all the awful, weak and pathetic parts of yourself then, by all means, dive head long into a relationship. And don't limit yourself to commitment. Even those affairs that cannot yet be defined as a full blown boyfriend/girlfriend situation can qualify. Just get yourself involved in any sort of connection with a human you find even remotely attractive, share a few intimate things, and you'll get to see all the sad parts of your inner being present themselves in the most horrifying of ways.

Jealousy. Selfishness. Neediness. Feeling left out. Loneliness. You name it, it will come forth amidst the most bizarre circumstances. And after all of those wretched traits have come to the surface the only things left to contend with will be Humility and Honesty. Humility can be easy to take on, since it only requires you to admit that you don't know everything. But Honesty... Well, Honesty can be a tough bitch to grapple with. It's all about being truthful with yourself, and in turn being truthful with your heart's current interest, about how many levels there are to your craziness.

But fear not! As a good friend said to me awhile ago, "You just need to find someone who loves your crazy." Because, like it or not, we all posses our own version of lunacy. The trick is to find someone who sees it, loves you through it and still thinks you're great. 

Have I found this someone? I don't know. Only time will tell me that and it insists on working at its own pace. In the meantime, I'm learning how to slow myself down, tame my bouts of craziness and try not to fall into that all-too-familiar slump of thinking I'm unlovable, because I know that even on my best days I'm still susceptible to being "cool" like that. *wink*

Confucius say...

Today I had an epiphany while sitting on yet another plane. It sounded like the voice of God and was reminiscent of something I've read on a tea bag tag or the inside of a fortune cookie.

"All good things come with time. All great things come with patience."

I've been wrestling with myself lately, trying to be patient and kind and unassuming of the my new relationship while allowing myself to finish grieving over the last one. I've been trying my hardest to make the best of this year and fully appreciate being in every moment. And this morning I was trying to keep myself from crying from exhaustion.

As much as I would love to blame all the traveling, I am the one who exhausted myself. My lack of patience and my irritation with practically everything has officially worn me out. And, of course, had I had this thought any earlier than today I would have forgotten what I had just realized a moment later. Sometimes, it seems I have to thoroughly drain my very being before I can actually learn a lesson.