Making a List and Chucking It Twice.

I make lists all day long. On my phone, on sticky notes, on my computer, in my iCal app, in my head...it's exhausting. And at the end of the day, I like to double check all my lists to make sure nothing got overlooked or added twice. Essentially, I pride myself on my list making abilities and my knack for keeping all things accounted for.

The other day I was chatting up my mom about the art of moving on and my attempt at leaving certain feelings behind. In the past when I had let love go, each day would get easier and easier. I would think about that person a little bit less as the weeks flew by. This time, however, I seem to have been compiling a list, unbeknownst to myself, of all the things I loved about this last possibility and each day seemed to be plaguing me with memories. Instead of each day of distance bringing freedom to my heart, I had found something new that made my heart sad and wishing I could turn back time. I was in the throws of serious girl talk, with tears of frustration streaming down my face, when my mom pointed out that since having had this time apart I now knew why I loved, why my heart had been so tied to someone.

I'm sure life for this City Girl will get sunnier again in the future. I will wake up one morning and live out an entire day without thinking about him. It has to be possible that at some point I'll be able to go a whole week without a giant knot building in my throat and tears waiting to spill out of my eyes. Maybe someday my heart will throw out that list...