Ross and Rachel

Will they? Won't they? Will they? Won't they?

And they danced and danced AND DANCED around their feelings for each other for years...

I have unknowingly become a part of a Ross and Rachel relationship and it sneaked up on me like a ninja. Two years of wishing everything could go back to the way it was, a few well-timed conversations, one too many moments alone, a couple nights that ended in kisses and BAM!

Just call me Rachel.

Since discovering that both parties have had lingering feelings for each other, I have found myself sleepless and frustrated wondering if the mystery of What's Really Going On will ever be solved between this City Girl and Bachelor Number Two.

This is pretty much the gist of it.

Some days there just isn't enough wine in the bottle.

The linger.

It was like something out of a movie. Or so said my friend, with a twinkle in his eye, when I told him my latest tale of love and other things...

I visited the possibility last week. The one who sent cupcakes in honor of this year's Black Monday. The one I turned down not that long ago, because he wasn't right for me.

Or was it that I wasn't ready for him?

It was supposed to be a friendly visit. And it was. It was a friendly visit that ended with me lingering. You know...THE linger. The linger that says way more than it should. The linger that invites trouble and possibility.

The linger turned into a quick kiss. The quick kiss was followed by me walking out the door and driving away. And the drive lasted all of two minutes before I turned the car around, marched myself back to his front door and did something I never thought I would do. I was brave. I was gutsy. I was also in the perfect position to be shut down, turned away, told no.

Even thinking about it now...Eek!

I stood in front of his door for a few minutes before I got the nerve up to knock. And then I waited. Nothing. I realized right then that I had the chance to back out. Instead, I pep talked myself into ringing his doorbell. I waited again. And then I saw him. He saw me. There was no backing out at that moment. I knew that if I made up a flimsy excuse that I would hate myself forever. Or at least for the next few weeks. So, I took some old fashioned advice and just told the truth.

I missed him.

The next weekend was full of the usual dating things, and in this case. getting to know each other all over again. It was good. It was sweet. It was so...easy. And for this City Girl, easy isn't something I'm adept at. It's nothing I'm familiar with. Easy has never been in my dating vocabulary.

Sadly, my usual relationships appear to be this difficult.

And speaking of easy, it looks like my plans of moving to Portland have been slightly derailed by a new career possibility back at The Beach. Nothing is official, by any means. Nothing has been decided upon. Nothing has been written in stone or on any legal papers. But let's just say that the signs I thought would be pointing me north by now may not be showing up...

You've got mail!

Ok. Ok. I know I'm about to jinx something here, but...I'M GETTING A VALENTINE IN THE MAIL!

*blush*

Just knowing this makes my little old fashioned heart skip a beat.

Horrible, awful, not fun fact about The City Girl: I can't remember the last time I had someone special to share Valentine's Day with me.

In years past I've resorted to hosting an annual Black [Insert Day Here] party. This year, however, I have no party to host, no party to go to and no one to spend this awful commercial holiday with. I try to ignore this ghastly forced display of mush every February, but somehow it always finds a way to flaunt it's cheesy hearts and smooching couples in my face. A lovely reminder of what I am not a part of.

Well...that being said, this year will be different. And the certain someone who will be gracing my mailbox with something utterly adorable made a good point the other night...if someone who in the past hated that holiday were sharing that day with someone permanent, that someone wouldn't mind it so much. And try as I might to fight that simple concept, I think he's right. I think I will like it.

I can't wait!

Heart, meet head.

When it comes to your heart, does it ever truly connect with your head? And should it even bother?

I've recently found myself getting swept away by a possibility. In the beginning, this possibility was more of "we'll see" and less of a sure thing. Later that possibility became a no. And then later, a resounding no along with other possibilities. And now...now that possibility has gained strength; becoming a strong possibility.

Amidst my impending move and this possibility are some fierce opinions between my head and my heart. My heart is excited, passionate, and longing while my head is attempting to wrestle its way to the lead with reason and logic. I feel like I've become the rope used in a tug of war. And with Black Monday and a trip to The Beach just around the corner, I have found that my head is starting to give way to my heart as it fantasizes about this possibility and what's to come...