The Truth About Love

I was talking with a new friend yesterday about her current lover and their relationship and I found myself spilling all my secret shortcomings and all that I've learned through love. At one point she looked up at me during our conversation and said, "You're so wise. You know so much about relationships." To which I looked at her with shock and said, "Ha! Listen, anything I know now has been discovered through years of heartache, tears and bad decisions."

I  was thinking about our chat today and decided that I should make a list of all the truths I've learned in the past year from all my sticky and sometimes uncomfortable relationships, just in case I forget. The first truth on my list may seem conceited or odd, but it's a proven fact, kids!

1. Pretty girls don't have to pay. For anything. And they aren't lonely for very long.
2. There really are plenty of fish in the sea and they come along about as often as the wind changes.
3. Every relationship is hard, complicated and messy. All the other possible lovers out there that appear to be more perfect than the functional relationship you're already in are a fantasy. Relationship is just another way to say self-sacrificing hard work.
4. Love is a choice. The beginning of any relationship is fabulous, it's what comes after the beginning that proves whether or not you're made for each. You either choose to work through the reality of everyday or you cut and run.
5. Love is a choice everyday. Once you decide to stick it out with someone you have to consciously make that same decision every morning you wake up.
6. It is imperative that you be able to separate irritation from things that are hurtful. Nit picking someone does not foster a loving relationship. And excusing or purposely overlooking meanness will not bring out the best in either person. 
7. The statement "Long distance relationships are hard" is an understatement. At some point you have to be willing to severely sacrifice parts of your life to have time together. And even then it's sometimes tough to call that time together "quality".
8. You can't try to fit someone else's mold. It's impossible to recreate who you are or who you're meant to be. At some point the real you will come shining through, like it or not.
9. If you want to discover the worst, most pathetic parts of yourself that you never knew existed then get yourself tangled up in a serious relationships as soon as possible. 
10. Life is not like the movies. It's not supposed to be. The movies were made for our entertainment. They should not, by any means, be used as a guide to living life or finding love that lasts. As soon as you feel you are being spoon-fed that kind of crap, spit it out as fast as you can!

Truth and the X factor.

Being a truth teller is a tricky thing. You want to find the right words, the perfect words. You want your voice to be even and steady. You want your point to be made without making the recipient of your words confused or trying to grasp blindly at your concept. 

I am a truth teller. I don't know how good my skill level is, but yesterday there was no mistaking me for anything but a teller of what is true and honest.

Yesterday, I told the truth to a friend. A good friend. A love. And while I was hoping for a different answer from this person, I was so happy to have spoken words that my heart felt. I was relieved to breath out words that made me feel as if I had been hiding a big secret from one of my best friends.

The thing about being a truth teller is that you don't know what will happen when you say the very things you mean. And then once you've said those things you still don't know what will happen. You may get a reaction. You may even lose things or titles. You may get words volleyed back to you. But when both sides have said all the words they have in their arsenal, sometimes there is still an X factor that hovers over you. There is still the unknown of what will come next...